Dijamco to Resign; agrees to lifetime contract in Japanese Pro League

 

In a shocking move, longtime assistant coach and Assistant Director of Student Life & Athletics, JD Dijamco, has decided to resign from Cumberland in order to coach professionally in Japan. "It happened so quickly," Dijamco said. "Apparently they liked my 1st base coaching style, how I twirled my stopwatch, and my spin rate while throwing batting practice, and it just snowballed from there." Dijamco's spin rate in batting practice is approximately 2400 rpms, which translates to absolute, eye-popping cheese. "I'm excited to start this new chapter and cannot wait til April Fools Day is over."

April Fools Day ends tonight at 12:00 AM.